Dear Dog People: My Cats Are Not Monsters, You’re Just Overdramatic


Ruthie Gustason, Co-Editor-in-Chief

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s Dog People. I’m not talking about dog owners or the average dog lover; I love dogs. Dogs are not the problem. Dog People are the problem.

You might be confused by the terminology. What exactly is the difference between dog owners and Dog People?

Dog People are not normal dog lovers. They’re like those weird boy band fans that you see on Twitter with Harry Styles or Jung kook as their profile picture. They are those who refuse to post anything other than this one specific gif of their favorite member humping a microphone. I’ve seen that video of Fido licking peanut butter straight out of the jar fourteen times, Brittany. Maybe it’s time to find a new hobby.

They’re that extreme end of the fan base that gives everyone else a bad name. Dog People are the fans who refuse to even listen to another band; shutting down your Jonas Brothers reunion tweets with an “Appreciate the boy bands we already have!!! Who cares that these Disney Channel losers are singing together again???”

Seriously, Dog People do not let appreciation for anything other than dogs slide by at all. Especially cats. Have you ever tried to tell a Dog Person that you own cats? You’d think you’re telling them you’ve been keeping an axe murderer as a pet from the way they react.

“But cats are so mean! They don’t care about you at all! My dogs always come to the door to greet me when I’m gone. Cats don’t even turn their heads!”

Yes, I’m very aware of my cats’ apathetic reactions when I come home from school every day. Forgive them, I forgot to give them the lecture about making me the center of their universe. I’ll make sure to get that done as soon as possible. God forbid I find my self-worth from my own actions and accomplishments; no, I need three furry creatures without opposable thumbs to consider themselves personally responsible for my happiness.

I mean, really? I understand why you might appreciate your dog’s enthusiasm towards every little task you complete, but I just don’t agree that a creature who does not focus all of its energy specifically on your happiness is not a creature suited for companionship. Clearly, cats make great pets, as according to Gallup, around 29% of Americans own a cat. The problem isn’t with cats. The problem is your narcissism. Cats, like almost everything else in the entire universe, are not here for the sake of your own personal enjoyment. It’s great that your dogs are so obsessed with you. My cats aren’t like that, and I don’t want them to be.

Also, the whole “I tried to pet a cat and it bit me!” thing? I mean, really? If you walked up to me on the street and started petting me, there’s a good chance I’d bite you, too. Seriously, you’re making the cat uncomfortable. What, do you want her to calm down and communicate with you in a more relaxed manner when you’ve crossed her boundaries? She’s a freaking cat. Learn personal space.

Really, I don’t have any problem with dogs. I love it when Mrs. Crandall’s dog, Bailey, visits classrooms just as much as the next person. I’m the friend who lies on the ground with your dog the entire time I’m over at your house. I don’t dislike dogs at all, and I don’t find anything wrong with being a little bit obsessed with them. There are lots of reasons to love dogs; if you’re looking for that kind of roommate, dogs make great companions. One things that dogs are not, though, is an excuse to be inconsiderate to other people or animals. If Fido knew the mean things you said about my cats, I doubt his tail would wag so fast when he saw you come home.